I read somewhere today that being right brained, I figure most stuff out with aha moments.  I am not sure what the technical term would be for an aha moment, you’ll have to check with a left brain thinker.  Anyway, this article confirmed what I’ve always known about myself – I shouldn’t really ever try to figure anything out methodically, I should just let it pop into my head.  And that is exactly how I came up with my coupon conspiracy theory.

I went out to get the mail this morning.

AHA!

This is what I thought when I opened the mail box and found a fantastic coupon for the Finish Line, sneaker store.  Just what I didn’t need….a coupon.  I had just purchased one of my boys a pair of $50 running shoes 4 days ago and now that I don’t need a coupon, I get one.  This happens ALL the time and I am beginning to think it’s some sort of conspiracy.

I imagine that the Gap, Lens Crafters, Friendly’s and Hallmark each have an alert system in place letting them know that I have just purchased jeans, glasses, an ice cream cone and a greeting card.  Buzzers go off, lights blink around my name on the screen a robotic voice calls out ” sucker coupon alert!”   Immediately a heart stoppingly great coupon is sent out either via email or regular mail.  Once I receive it, I’ll be crushed that I’ve missed out on using the coupon on my last purchase, but then remember those other jeans, glasses, flavors of ice cream and greeting cards that I liked and head back to the store.

I may have a problem and the Gap, Lens Crafters, Friendly’s and Hallmark know it and are using it against me.

Am I the only one?  Or do you suddenly have beautiful and valuable coupons arriving to your home within days of your latest purchase?  They are conspiring to suck you back in.

I’ll see you at Hallmark!

I live in a house.

I live with two 10 year old boys.

They are either the laziest slobs on the planet or two highly intelligent, creative geniuses.

Let’s look at the evidence, shall we?

ME: Why can’t you remember to flush the toilet?

BOY 1: Because I’ll need to flush it again later, so I’m just saving it up….you know, to save water.  Oh and then there’s also that noise pollution issue.  No flush no noise.

ME: Why is there a damp bath towel on your unmade bed every morning?

BOY 2: This way you will know that I’m clean.  If I hung it up in the bathroom, you might think it was from your other child and that I am going to school dirty.  My bed is unmade because I was so comfortable right before I got out that I wanted it to stay that way for when I get back in tonight.

ME: Why are there wrappers hidden between the couch cushions?

BOY 1: Because, if I put the wrappers on the coffee table, you would ask me to throw them away.  Keeping them between the cushion let’s me enjoy my show without interruption.

ME: Why are there dirty socks everywhere?

BOY 2: As you know, we have a “no shoes on the couch” rule.  When I’m on the couch without my shoes, I notice my feet smell.  I take off my socks and throw them as far away from my nose as possible.  Mom, perhaps you might want to reconsider letting shoes on the couch.

ME: Why can’t you remember to wipe your mouth?

BOY 1: Because I‘m not a vanity case like you mommy.  You’re always worried about what you look like….wiping your mouth every two seconds.  I am just planning to do one final wipe at the end of the meal.  Saves energy and napkins.

Last week, one of my boys was in the kitchen making himself a smoothie.  Having to bend down to the lowest drawer to retrieve a straw, I heard him call out “Where are the straws?  Ugh, this is such a pain.”  I then heard the silverware draw open and all sorts of racket.  I thought for a moment that my darling angel was emptying the dishwasher without being asked.  This is what I found instead.

Lazy or genius?

Either way, I love them.  While the above mentioned things drive me crazy, I realize that they don’t mean much in the big picture.  My boys almost always say please, thank you and hold the door for me.  They greet me with a smile and a hug in the morning.  I get kisses and I love you’s before bed.  Plus, every time I open the silverware drawer, I  giggle.

I have friends who are quite social and often invite me here and there.  Mostly, I choose to keep to myself.  I truly enjoy being alone and savor the peace and quiet in my house when my boys are off with their dad.  I have one friend who calls me Greta, as in Garbo, as in “I want to be left alone.”

This solo behavior is nothing new as I have been this way all of my life.  Over the years, I’ve been called different, aloof, quiet and snobby.  I truly don’t identify with any of these labels and the fact that people don’t really understand me is just something I’ve gotten used to.

I recently came across a book called The Introvert Advantage, written by Marti Olsen Laney, Psy.D., which has made me realize that I am a part of a group which is often misunderstood.  Reading page after page, I saw myself in the words and descriptions defining an introverted person.  Yes, this was me, without a doubt.  I even took the quiz which categorized me as “Pretty darn introverted”.   It was a light bulb moment for me and I devoured the book justifying many of my seemingly odd behaviors.  I was off the proverbial hook of being just another weirdo.   Many excuses have been made for me over the years by others to explain “me” such as:

she’s an artist

she’s the middle child

she’s a writer

she’s been through some stuff

While some of the above may bear weight, I am now convinced that I am plainly just an introvert.  An artist, writer, middle child introvert who has been through some stuff.

The nice thing about this book is that it celebrates the uniqueness and strengths of being an introvert.  It has given me the sense that I am a normal minority and that in fact having an introverted temperament is something you are born with and isn’t a social defect as many think.

While reading the book, I was happy to be able to identify that I am not the only one who seeks refuge in the bathroom at a party and look forward to going home shortly after arrival.  I now have a better understanding why I like the company of one or two and tend to recoil in large groups even in family situations.  This book has provided some explanation as to why I struggled in school academically.  If you are an introvert, you should read this book.  If you know an introvert, you should read this book to get a better understanding of how we learn, form relationships, communicate etc.

I have to admit that it’s kind of nice knowing that I am not the only one.  In fact, I may just put out a flyer for a support group.

Calling all new potential club members – limit 3 people

Meetings will be held weekly and we will set up a rotation system for hiding in going to the bathroom.

A timer will be set and the meeting will end within ½ hour and you’ll be on your way home.  If we find that our energy is draining, we can cut the meeting to 15 minutes.

This week’s topics will include:

“White Lies”,  ideas for how to leave a party early.

How to avoid chit chat while still being polite.

How texting has changed our lives.

Since we both hate to talk on the phone, please R.S.V.P via text message or email.

I had the idea to read The Adventures of Tom Sawyer and Huckleberry Finn to my two 10 year old boys.  I thought sharing a classic piece of literature would be good for them so I downloaded Tom Sawyer onto my Kindle.  It’s been sitting in Kindle-ville for over a month because I’ve been wrestling with reading the N-word.

You are probably familiar with the current controversy over the censoring of Mark Twain’s books.  The publisher, New South, has taken out the “N-word” and replaced it with “slave”.  There have been other changes too, such as “Injun Joe” to “Indian Joe” and “half-breed” becomes “half-blood”.  All of this in an effort not to offend readers.  Turns out, that readers on both sides are offended and many articles have been written with varied opinions being tossed about.

I was pretty sure I knew what my opinion was and then began to think about reading the original text to my boys.  I wondered if I would stumble over the word nigger because in our real world, I find the term to be deeply offensive.  I began to plan in my head the discussion my boys and I would have regarding the N-word and worried that I might not be able to impress upon them just how the word stings me on an emotional level.  I wasn’t sure I could translate those feelings into words that would make them understand.

After doing a bit of research, I found the following quote from Mark Twain.

“the difference between the almost right word and the right word is really a large matter.”

It was at this point that I knew I needed to read my boys the original text.  The more I thought about it, the more I disagreed with the new censored publishing.  Changing art to suit our moral compass is, in my opinion wrong.

Knowing that the content of the Twain books would need some discussion and explanation on my part, I decided to check out a few parental guidance websites to find the recommended age for reading these books.  Twelve years old seemed to be the consensus but after a little more research, I came across this response from Twain himself in answer to a librarian’s inquiry about the banning of his book at the Brooklyn Library in NY.

“I am greatly troubled by what you say. I wrote ‘Tom Sawyer’ & ‘Huck Finn’ for adults exclusively, & it always distressed me when I find that boys and girls have been allowed access to them.”

There was the answer I was looking for.  While I may not shield my boys from The Adventures of Tom Sawyer and Huckleberry Finn until they are grown up, I think I will wait a few years before sharing it with them.  As far as the N-word goes, I may stumble over it and feel uncomfortable saying it, but I intend to read them exactly what Twain wrote.

Dear parents of the class of 2018,

It was my very great pleasure to come to your children’s 5th grade class this morning to discuss what it is like to be a writer.  The room became electrified with excitement as I sat amongst your kids who were eager to share their writing experiences.  I was impressed by the questions, questions and more questions!   You should have seen their enthusiasm as we formulated our own story, each taking turns to come up with the next line about the “time bomb” in my handbag.  Never fear, our story ended on a positive note due to some very clever contributions from the class.  I am still smiling about it now 3 hours later.

Your children want to write and they are excited about it.

They want to be free to write without criticism or correction.  I heard words today that I didn’t quite expect from 5th graders.

feelings, emotion, poetry, comedy, fantasy…oh yes and time bomb (about 10 times)

Your children want to express themselves through writing.  Invest in them.  Buy them a jotter, a notebook that is theirs and theirs alone where they can dream, create, and experience the wonder of writing.

Something to note…. I read this week that Rutgers University recently paid Snooki $35,000.00 for a speaking engagement. Its doubtful that she was there to discuss the importance of writing, but more likely looking to inspire the tanning bed users of tomorrow with her orange glow.  In my opinion, this is a sad reflection on our society that we put such value on reality TV stars.

While Mumbldyhumf Elementary School did not pay me $35K for my speaking engagement….

I had an experience which was priceless.