Dear Abercrombie & Fitch,
I for one, am very aware that you do not want me in your store.
Your clever idea to repel adults by sending the almost visible cloud of cologne through your doorway works like a charm. I get an immediate headache when passing by and would never consider coming in unless armed with a gas mask.
Having been one of those kids in the 80′s, that cranked my Sony Walkman up a little too loud, I now find my hearing is a bit off. But, the sound coming from your establishment is enough to make me flash back to 1981 and check my handbag to look for the volume knob on my Walkman. I’m guessing you keep the volume so high so when I ask one of those delightful workers you employ for assistance, they have an excuse as to why they are ignoring me.
And last but not least, you seem to keep your place a little on the dark side in order to give off a club type vibe. Surely you realize that people my age can’t see as well but, you might want to reconsider this because back in the day, I was known to dance on top of the speakers at many a night club. You do not want me doing this in Abercrombie & Fitch, trust me.
So, Abercrombie and Fitch, while you repel me…….you attract this…..
Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino from that wonderfully classy show, The Jersey Shore
I saw in the paper today that you have offered to pay Mr. Sorrentino to NOT wear your clothing. I am somewhat surprised since he looks like he wears a ton of cologne, is definitely noisy, and spends much of his time in night clubs. Not to mention that many of your ads look very similar to his photo.
When I first read the news, I thought “Good for you A & F!” But shortly, what I realized is, that you are acting like those doormen outside the club picking and choosing who you want to come in. So I’m still stuck out on the sidewalk but now I have “The Situation” with me…… thank you very much.
I dread the day that my pre-teen boys ask me to take them shopping over at your place….but I know it is coming. I suggest you start preparing now because, I will be the mom with the gas mask, the miners light attached to my head and the only one dancing on the counter next to register #3.
See you then!