I am leaving you for another gas station.
I’m publicly writing to you so the local gossip mill doesn’t start whispering that they saw me down the road with someone else’s pump.
Why have I cheated? It just seems like you’ve let yourself go. You aren’t as clean as you used to be and lately there’s been a smell. Quite frankly, your pump sometimes finishes before my tank is full and occasionally isn’t working at all.
Shell, I’ve been completely faithful to you for many years but admit that I’ve been over at Giant twice in the last few weeks. I feel completely guilty and cannot continue this way behind your back. Hopefully you can find it in your heart to forgive me.
Yes, the “other station” is younger, but that’s not why I’ve strayed. I feel cared for over there…..I guess you could say, that Giant understands me. Giant is bright, clean, cheerful and offers me the gift of free protection every time I stop over.
You, on the other hand expect me to handle your pump with out any protection at all. Lord knows who’s been touching your equipment and what kind of germs you are carrying. I just hate thinking of who was there before me.
P.S. Rest assured Shell, it isn’t just you.
I admit that I’ve taken extra mitts to protect me throughout the day from other germs. I sure hope the news gets back to my ATM and they install a box of
Gas Mitts ATM Mitts. I can already feel my wandering eye looking at other ATMs.