Open letter the makers of Tampax


Dear Procter and Gamble,

In case you didn’t hear, I turned 50 last month, which means that I can now be considered an expert on tampons.  I estimate that I’ve used about 6,840  of them thus far, so I totally know what I am talking about.

This letter is not to complain about your product.  Tampax Compak is, in my opinion, the best tampon on the market.  What I am having an issue with is your packaging.  After looking at the Tampax box on my bathroom counter, I seriously wonder who writes your copy and are they trying to get me hauled off to the 3rd Precinct?

Exhibit A

So this is what happens when I walk into CVS Pharmacy.

Jotter Girl: I would like a box of Tampax Compak.”

Sales Guy:   “What size?”

Jotter Girl: Anything but Regular.”

Then he brings me a box of  Super Giant Extra Power Tampons

Jotter Girl:  “No, I said, Anything but Regular.”

Sales Guy looks at me and requests backup at the register.

Exhibit B

When the manager arrives, I explain to him that I want Anything but Regular and decide to add  “You know, the ones Cuter  than full size?“  He frowns and gets on the PA system calling Betty to the front register.

Exhibit C

When Betty arrives at the front counter, I turn to her like a long lost friend.

Jotter Girl:  “Betty, I am looking for Tampax Compak in Anything but Regular. You know, the cute, comfy and  clever tampons? You must know which ones I am talking about!  The Daring tampon!?!”

Betty looks at the manager and sales guy and then carefully reaches for the alarm button under the counter to call the cops.

 

 

 

P.S.  It probably wasn’t necessary for you to Trade Mark “Anything but Regular”, I can’t imagine any of the other Tampon makers trying to steal it.  I think they are okay with Light, Regular and Super.